Blood and Earth, Not Theory and Chalk
by salutingsolitude
Summary: Clover is a Half Blood girl who wanders through life looking for meaning, lazily avoiding conversation, and successfully rubbing people the wrong way. The sardonic first year never expected to find friends, have a romance she'd rather not admit to, and to learn to let herself feel emotions. But, surprises happen. Marauders AU, SiriusXOC, JamesXLily
1. slow beginnings make better ends

Purpose is something that everyone is born with. Some are born to be loved by others, some are born to love, some are born to have an occupation, and some are born to save others. I've never understood this. How people could just know their life's purpose.

My father's purpose was to protect, according to him. He's an Auror that works for the Ministry of Magic, and he works to protect everyone. I don't know why anyone would want their job to be their purpose, but I guess I have no real place to judge.

My sister's purpose was, in my opinion, to be a never-ending pain in my ass. But according to her, it's to become an Auror and prove her house's stereotype wrong. I don't honestly understand that either.

I didn't understand a lot of things, and I wanted to understand, I wanted to learn, I wanted to find my purpose.

That was the goal of going to Hogwarts for this green eyed witch, to find my purpose, and learn magic of course.

* * *

Chapter 1

"Father, do you know why Grandma and Grandpa are wanting to talk to us?" I asked as we prepared to use Floo Powder to go to Lepus Manor.

"It's not us, it's actually more, they want to talk to you." My Father, Phil, replied as he anxiously twiddled a strawberry blond strand of paper straight hair, and made an effort to not let his blue eyes meet my own.

I kept my face in the cold neutral expression that it sits in naturally, and glanced at him in slight confusion.

"Don't worry, CloClo, it's just about Hogwarts." Dahlia, my older sister said, putting a meant to be reassuring hand on my shoulder. I quickly gave her an icy look, shrugging off the unwanted contact. Dahlia was going to be starting her seventh year at Hogwarts. With downturned green eyes and strawberry blond waves, she possessed a cheerful kind demeanor that apparently is not common in her house.

"Okay… But couldn't they have phoned, or sent their owl? This is weird, we honestly never even see them outside of birthdays and Christmas." I stated, with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, don't worry so much, CloClo, it's just going to be them wishing you luck and telling you stuff about Hogwarts! Afterwards we'll eat dinner with them, and I remember how much you liked their house elf's cooking." Dahlia sang, quickly ruffling my blond wavy hair, throwing down the glittery dust, and walking into the fireplace.

"Lepus Manor!" she exclaimed, disappearing.

"Alright, you're turn, Clover. Go on!" Father said with a kind smile, holding out the jar that held our Floo Powder supply. I looked up at him meeting his friendly gaze, and nodded. I grabbed a handful of powder, sighed, and threw down the powder.

"Lepus Manor." I said in a loud deadpan, closing my eyes, and keeping my elbows firmly tucked, as I had been instructed to. When I opened my eyes, I found myself in the familiar extravagant manor. As I stepped out of the fireplace, I noticed just how much nothing had changed in the seven months I'd been gone. The lights were still a tad too bright, the silvery walls still had the same emerald accents, and Dahlia was already talking up a storm with my Grandmother and Grandfather.

Penelope and Seus Lepus sat upon an extravagant silver couch, that would have looked much more extravagant if it wasn't for the plastic covering it. Penelope Lepus had light gray hair and upturned green eyes giving her a natural stern expression on her aged face. Seus Lepus had hair of dark brown that was turning silver at the temples, light green almond shaped eyes, and whenever he gave his rare smile, dimples would always appear seemingly out of nowhere.

As Dahlia talked, Grandfather looked over, noticing my presence. He gave a small smile, and beckoned me towards him.

"And how're you Clover? You seem to have grown since we last seen each other." He said, giving me a tight hug.

"I am doing well, Grandfather. How are you today?" I replied, upturning my mouth slightly, to at least resemble a smile.

"Even better now that I've seen you." He fondly answered, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I turned to my Grandmother who looked callous as ever. She gave me a short look up and down, and gave a short nod to me.

"You need to cut your hair before school starts, Clover." She stated.

' _A pleasure to see you too, Grandmother.'_ I thought, but would never utter.

"I fully intend to, Grandmother. It's a pleasure seeing you today." I said formally, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Grandfather began to get up from the couch, his knobby knees popping with each movement. "Well Clover, dear, I suppose it'd be a good time to go talk in the library. Dahlia, please stay here and wait for your father. If you see Ranrey, tell him to go upstairs and find your uncles."

My grandparents lead me through the corridors to their library. Once we got there, Grandmother sat down on the couch, patting next to it while giving me a pointed look. I sat next to her and looked down at my lap, while Grandfather uttered a spell, starting a fire.

"Grandfather, what is going on? What do you need to tell me?" I asked calmly.

He sat down across from my Grandmother and me.

"We need to talk to you about Hogwarts, Clover. Has your father told you at all about blood purity?" He asked.

"Blood purity? No, he hasn't. Does it have to do anything to do with blood types?"

"Of course he didn't, Seus! I don't know why you even asked." Grandmother chimed in.

"Penny, please," he sighed, "In the Wizarding World, not all blood is the same. There is Pureblood, like your Mother, Grandmother and myself. There are no Muggles in Pureblooded families, and they are seen as superior to others. Then there are Muggle born wizards, such as your father, who come from completely Muggle families. Who are seen as…lesser beings. Half-Bloods such as yourself and Dahlia, aren't seen as bad as Muggle born, but they're seen as tainted by Muggle 1blood if you understand what I'm trying to say."

"I'm following, so are you saying that I should expect some type of prejudice at school?" I asked, my grip on my dress began to tighten at the thought that my hopes of a peaceful and ignored existence at school seemed dashed away because of something as stupid as this.

"If you do what we ask of you, like Dahlia, you will experience no harassment because of blood status." Grandmother said.

"When people ask who your parents are, you will claim our daughter as usual, saying her last name is Lepus, because of our status, you'll be very likely experience nothing but respect. But you will say your father was an American wizard named Arnold Repling, he passed away. Don't worry about who it is, just say it. Because of that blasted Rappaport's Law, it'll already be assumed that he's pureblood." Grandfather said.

I looked at them, stunned, just thinking about how stupid all of this was. Blood purity seemed like racism with extra steps, and I believed it was just another thing that I didn't understand, that I'd be forced to deal with.

"So, I have to lie to everyone I know about who I am?" I asked.

"Yes, if you don't want to subject your sister, and yourself, to endless torment, possible attacks, and even death, you have to." Grandmother answered.

I was conflicted. I thought of myself who told the truth in every scenario I can. I know how I think, I tell the truth, I avoid trouble, and stay quiet. Like my mother, and she was who I was expected to be. She was who I had to be, and this conflicted with who I was supposed to be.

"Don't worry, Clover, it'll become natural to you with time, just remember to stick to your story." Grandfather said, patting my face lovingly.

Suddenly, the door busted open, a dark-haired man with sparkling green eyes in his early thirties came in with a giant grin on his face.

"Proteus Lepus! I've told you time and time again to not bust through the door like some sort of low class hooligan!" Grandmother yelled.

He practically danced to her side, kissing her promptly on the cheek. "I can't help it, I was just so excited to see my darling niece!" Proteus said, proceeding to lift me from my seat, giving me a smothering hug. I gave him unamused look, which I wished he could have seen but my face was firmly squished tightly against his torso.

Once he let me go I gave him a nod.

"It's pleasant to see you, Uncle." I stated formally.

He rolled his eyes, "Why must you go on with the formal language? And didn't I tell you to call me Uncle Pro. Remember, I'm a Pro at being the hip and _far out_ Uncle!" he practically sang, making me cringe a little on the inside.

As if on cue, my other Uncle, Brontes, entered making the room a couple degrees colder, just the way I preferred it.

"I'm sorry about Proteus' intrusion. I hope he didn't interrupt your talk with Clover." Brontes said, bowing to my Grandparents.

"Oh, we were just getting finished talking, Brontes, worry not." Grandfather replied with a merry chuckle.

"I'm glad to hear that. Ranrey asked me to inform you all that dinner is complete, and the dining room is already set. Dahlia and the Mud-" He looked at me and paused, " _Phil_ is waiting in the dining room." He finished straight-faced as always.

My grandparents began getting up, so I proceeded to start towards the dining room.

"It is nice to see you." He said, still expressionless as ever. I nodded to him, knowing that he'd understand my silent greeting. He was the family member I saw myself in the most.

We had a quiet dinner which mainly consisted of Uncle Proteus and Dahlia happily chatting. I knew it was because Father was there, since no one outside of Uncle Proteus particularly liked him.

' _I wonder if they hate Father because he's Muggle…'_ I wondered. I had always thought they just didn't like him because they wanted my mother to marry someone else, but him being Muggle could easily be a factor in their hatred.

"Phil, we will be keeping Clover and Dahlia here at the Manor for two days before they go off to Hogwarts. We will do all the shopping, so do not worry about that. Make sure to your goodbyes before then." Grandmother said as everyone had quieted down.

"Can I not just morph into someone else and come along? This is an important experience and I'd really like to be there while my little girl gets her first wand and all of her school supplies. Please, Penelope." My father stated, uncharacteristically firm.

For a moment, the entire was silent, blinking at my father.

"It's _Mrs._ Penelope or _Mrs._ Lepus to you, Phil. And the answer is no you cannot! You knew what you signed up for when we agreed to this proposition when Dahlia first went to school. I'm not risking my grandchildren, _her_ children's fair treatment at school because of your foolish desires." Grandmother stated with a glare.

"This is ridiculous, _Penelope_ , you know what I am, and you know it's a specialty of mine to not be recognized. So why don't you let me have this experience with my kid?" He paused for a moment.

"Do you hear that? They're my kid's too! They're not second chances to fix your mistakes with Baucis!" He roared, slamming his fist on the table. Half the table gave a surprised inhale, since my Mother's name is not typically said in Lepus Manor nor in our own home.

"How dare you speak to me as if we are _equals_ , Mudblood? As if you have a right to say a thing about my daughter. It's bad enough that I have to see you on bloody holidays, it's even worse that these poor children have your disgusting genes in their bodies. You have no right to say anything to me you disgusting Mudblood!" Grandmother said coldly, and with authority.

"Penelope, please, not in front of the kids." Grandfather cut in with a glare. She closed her eyes and was silent for a second.

"You will leave now, Phil. And don't you dare come back." Grandmother confidently said, a more distant look than I had ever seen in her eyes.

My father wordlessly got up, "Come on kids."

Dahlia and I silently got up, following our father to the fireplace, quickly going home, not talking of this occasion ever again.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed, and please feel free to leave a review with what you liked, and what I can improve on as well! Be safe and thank you for reading!


	2. analyzing makes the unknown less scary

Chapter 2

* * *

August 30th quickly came and by morning time I had all my stuff packed. Saying goodbye to my Father was an experience. He cried a lot, and it was quite discomforting. In the past, it was amusing watching Dahlia go off, and have father hug her bawling like a child, covering her in tears and unsavory nose fluids. Experiencing the twenty minutes of hugs and prying him off of us first hand, was less amusing. But after a couple of escape attempts, Dahlia and I were off to Lepus Manor where we were greeted by twins, Proteus and Brontes.

"My sweet beautiful nieces!" Proteus exclaimed, giving us his signature extremely tight hug, lifting the two of us up, spinning us around in circles.

"Uncle…" I said as I was getting dizzy while Dahlia was unhelpfully laughing.

"Proteus, that's quite enough. We need to take the girls to Diagon Alley, preferably not throwing up or strangled." Brontes interrupted, catching the collar of Proteus' shirt, stopping him mid spin.

"Okay, okay Brontes. Are you ready girls?" Proteus said turning to us. Before I could say anything, Dahlia happily chimed in.

"I'm more than ready!" Dahlia said.

"Are we using the Floo Powder?" I asked.

"Oh never! We're going to be flying instead" Proteus says.

"Isn't that quite a bit slower, Uncle?" I asked, with a questioning look.

Proteus looked at Dahlia and Brontes, chuckling with a familiar twinkle in his eye.

"Clover, don't you know? It's much better to take the scenic route, enjoying yourself, rather than taking an ashy overused way of getting to your destination!" He said.

"You and Frodo would be the best of friends with that type of ideology…" I whispered, half-jokingly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I suppose I should unpack my scarf then." I said, quickly rolling my crate to the guest bedroom.

* * *

"Welcome to Diagon Alley! A place of shopping, cobblestone, and wizards everywhere!" Proteus said proudly as we entered the alley.

"I've been here before, Uncle." I deadpanned at the overly excited man.

"Oh, well, this will still be awesome! You'll be getting your wand, a pet, books, and all your supplies! Oh, I can just see it! You'll be sorted into Hufflepuff like your favorite Uncle, and you'll have oodles of fun!" Proteus sang.

"And so I remember, once again, why you made a Dreadful in Divination. Proteus, you'll be shopping with Dahlia, help her gather what she needs. Or be there to carry her stuff. I'll go with Clover, since if we all stayed together, one of us would go mad and try to sell you down at Knockturn Alley." Brontes stated, before leading me away.

"Actually, I see Lucius, so I might actually just shop with him and his parents. You can chill here, or maybe go find a nice lady or something. I don't know, but I'll see you soon Uncle!" I heard Dahlia ramble before running off to our second cousin.

Brontes and I quietly walked picking out items from the list that had been sent out, and we eventually found ourselves at Ollivander's. Walking in, there was an older man behind the counter helping a boy and his parents. That boy seemed around my age, making me further analyze him. I noticed his shaggy black curls that seemed to have been lazily tamed by a brush, and he still held an air of aristocracy about him. My analysis was cut abruptly short by my noticing of the terrifying air his parents how both gave off.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Black. Do be careful during your time in and out of Hogwarts." The old man said, giving the boy a long box that presumably had a wand inside. Walking in at that word choice honestly made me think we walked in on some unsubtle foreshadowing. The family of three turned around, and gazed silently for a moment at my Uncle and I.

"Oh if it isn't Penelope and Seus' son, how are you?" The man politely said. Brontes walked up, giving the man a firm handshake.

"I've been doing well, Mr. Black." Brontes said giving what seemed to be as close as he could give to a smile. Mr. Black looked down at me and the assortment of books I had.

"Is your daughter starting her first year at Hogwarts?" Mr. Black asked.

"This is actually my sister's daughter, but yes, she is going to be starting her first year." Brontes said pushing me forward.

"It's a bliss meeting you Mr. Black." I said giving him a slight upturn of the corners of my lips.

"Well this is my wife, Walburga, and my son, Sirius. He'll be starting at Hogwarts this year too." He said, gesturing to them both.

As I was about to hesitantly greet the two of them, someone else opened the door to the shop, which was a cue for us to get on with our shopping.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but we should probably continue our shopping. But please if you could owl my father soon, he would enjoy having you and your family for dinner." Brontes said politely stepping past the Blacks.

I looked at this strange family a last time, briefly meeting eyes with the boy, before walking past them.

"It was a delight meeting you all." I said politely.

"The pleasure is all ours." Mr. Black said walking out. Mrs. Black's nose rose about two inches as she and Sirius followed Mr. Black out the door leaving my Uncle and I to pick out my wand.

' _Walnut, Cherry, Hawthorn, Elm, Ebony, Fir, Hazel, and Hornbeam…'_ Nothing seemed to work. If I didn't know better, I half thought that a wand meant for me didn't bloody exist. Eventually he gave me Black Walnut, and to make a boring story short, it chose me.

Outside of meeting the Blacks, the remainder of the trip was fairly uneventful. We eventually met up with Dahlia, Lucius, and Proteus.

"Lucius." Brontes greeted. Lucius gave a nod back.

"Is this Clover?" he asked in a slight disgusted tone.

"It's only been a couple years, Lucius. I haven't changed that much or anything…" I deadpanned, looking away.

"I see you still have the same awful attitude," he lightly hit the top of my head, causing me to swat his hand away.

"Slytherin will make a decent witch out of you." He said.

"Pardon me cousin-dearest, how are you so sure she won't be in Hufflepuff? I think she'd have a delightful time with the old black and yellow! " Proteus cheerfully replied.

Lucius gave him a pointed look, looked me up and down, then looked back to Proteus.

"I'll call it intuition." He stated.

"Oh quit it boys! Let's just hope she's happy wherever the Sorting Hat puts her!" Dahlia chimed in, diffusing a possible argument before it started.

"Hey I just noticed. Have you not been to Magical Menagerie yet? Here you three catch up, I'll take Clover and we'll meet you at Sugarplum Sweets Shop in 40! Thanks Uncle Pro!" Dahlia said dragging me off, seeming to ignore a call from Proteus saying "Give me back my galleon pouch!"

"Goodness, I love Uncle Pro to death, but he is too much, and he enjoys all this shopping too much as well." She said as we walked up to the pet shop.

As we looked at the assortment of animals I looked at Dahlia.

"Do I have to get an owl?"

"Why do you ask that, Clo?"

"Well, you have one, and Mum had one… So I just thought."

"Stop, just stop. No, you don't need to get one if you don't want one. If you want to mail home or something, just tell me, and I'll send Jane in an instant. " She said with a grin. Her grin faded a bit as she added, "But in return, just stop worrying so much about being like Mum. No one really expects you to be like her, okay?"

 _'If only you were right about that.'_ I thought. I gazed at her for a second, but started to feel like this moment was just getting too sappy and lovey for my taste. I promptly decided to try to end this conversation and talk about something less about myself.

"I can't believe you named your owl after Jane Austen out of all people, her books are so idealistic and unrealistic." I snidely commented, hoping to end the previous conversation. She blinked at me as if this were the last thing she was thinking I'd say. She shook her bed before letting me off scotch free.

"First of all, it was Jane Bennet. Second, that Jane Austen, glory be her name, was a genius! Pride and Prejudice was such a feminist empowering book for her time and-oh just go on and find a toad or something. It'd be most fitting." She said rolling her eyes, pushing me away with a laugh.

I passed quite a few toads that just looked slimy-no, mucus-y. Eventually I passed a cat who stared at me with knowing eyes. I stepped back to look at the cat again. It had black fluffy matted fur and intelligent olive green eyes.

"Well hello. I don't understand why I want to talk to you verbally, with you being a cat and whatnot, but you seem calm and collected." I said softly to the cat.

It seemed to almost nod at me, though it was more likely that it was just looking at me up and down. I stuck my fingers through the cage and scratched the top of the cat's head. He lifted his head, asking to have his chin scratched.

"Dahlia, this one." I said pointing at the cat who meowed almost on cue.

"Um, are you sure you want the mangy one? There's plenty of other cats here, like what about this Siamese? You used to sing that Siamese cat song from that one Disney movie all the time when you were younger!"

"This one has personality, he understands all. He is perfect, and I will take no other animal." I said with finality.

She looked at the cat, sighed, and proceeded to walk to the front where she proceeded to pay for the cat and the supplies involved with taking care of him (emphasizing the brush).

We walked together back to the group, where Lucius seems to have left. I couldn't blame the guy though. Uncle Proteus could be quite draining to be around. Dahlia and I used the Floo to get back to Lepus Manor, since, carrying all that while Brontes and Proteus were flying seemed dangerous, if not extremely stupid.

I ended up naming my cat Holden, because Catcher in the Rye was much better than Pride and Prejudice, and my cat was a rebel, I could tell.

The next couple days flashed by, and soon I found myself with Dahlia boarding the Hogwarts Express.

"Well, this is where we part ways, little sister. I sort of have a separate place to sit." Dahlia said.

"Okay." I said, not hesitating to turn around and head the other direction.

"Wait, aren't you curious to know why? Or want big sisterly advice? Anything?"

"If it's anything worth knowing, I'll figure it out eventually." I said, looking for an empty compartment. Holden began squirming in my arms, more than likely wanting to chase another student's rat or something. The thought amused me, and I was worried that holding Holden would possibly open up a door for conversation. I let him jump from my arms, trusting that he'd be intelligent enough to find his own way back to me eventually.

I found an empty compartment which felt like a miracle. I sat and took out a book I had been reading and began to feel myself defect from reality.

 _'One thing I always enjoyed about books is that it gave me a chance to not be myself. Like being able to see what it's like to openly act on one's feelings. It's pleasant to see what it's like to feel and trust emotions. While most of the characters I experience this through tend to not be the brightest, and having everything ruled by sentiments is the key to an unhappy life, it's interesting.'_ I thought to myself in what felt like a cliché inner monologue.

I shook my head, quickly growing bored of this sappy book of pride, love, letters, prejudice, annoying characters, and unlikable rich people. I proceeded to take out my Herbology book, deciding to do some early studying. I sat undisturbed for what seemed like a few minutes. As I was fully beginning to lose myself in my studies, someone loudly knocked on the door, and opening it without giving me the chance to say anything.

I glanced up and saw a familiar boy. Familiarity shone on his face as well, when I realized where I had seen him. He was the quiet kid from the wand shop.

Him and another boy rushed in both with dirty hands, quickly closing the door, and ducking out of view from what seemed to be an angry Slytherin passing by looking through my window.

"What do you two think you're doing?" I asked, looking back down at my book.

"Look we just need hide here for a few minutes, is that okay?" Black said.

"No. I don't know either one of you, I don't like either one of you. Please leave." I answered, looking up at them, giving them a signature icy green-eyed Lepus glance.

Black and the other boy looked at one another. The unfamiliar boy, peeked up, apparently seeing the Slytherin right down the hall.

"Hello, I'm James, James Potter. Now, we know each other, we're friendly now. Can we please hide out, at least until the Slytherin gives up on finding us?" The boy with rounded glasses said with a confident smile, and offering a handshake.

I looked at his filthy hands, covered in what I assumed to be dung bombs residue.

"I'd rather not, and I'd rather you both leave." I stated, getting back to my book, ignoring his attempted handshake.

"Come on, Potter, we'd be better off looking for some other compartment. She comes from a family full of Pureblood _supremacists,_ and with how bad her family is, I'm sure she's just as bad as well" Sirius sneered, finally speaking up, giving me what seemed to be his version of a burning glare.

"Yes, yes, my family is dreadfully blood racist. Can you both leave now?" I waved them off. They looked through the window, and quickly left, leaving me alone finally.

The remainder of the trip went by rather quickly, since I was no longer distracted by two dreadful outside existences to deal with. Leaving the compartment, Holden jumped straight into my arms without a moments notice.

"I bet you had a better train ride than I, Holden." I whispered, petting the black fluff. The boat ride was quite interesting. The boats seemed to steer themselves, and the people around me were less annoying than Potter and Sirius. I became fairly acquainted girl that proudly proclaimed to me she was born of two after starting up a conversation with about missing her family. She didn't seem ashamed, so I could tell if she was ignorant or if she just didn't care what people said to her. Her name was Lily, and she was one of the very few people I met that day that I halfway got along with.

"So what's your cat's name?" she asked, reaching over and petting Holden.

"His name is Holden." I answered shortly.

"Really? Like The Catcher in the Rye protagonist?"

I looked at her with genuine surprise, which was quite rare for my mask of indifference to change to anything else.

"Yes! My father's a literature professor so having an extensive knowledge of books is practically hereditary." She said proudly.

"I see, that's very interesting." I stated.

"It's weird isn't it? I know most people think that it's a bit boring and-"

"No, no, no. it actually is interesting. Once I run out of things to read, I hope that you will give me a suggestion or two." I said, attempting to reassure the girl.

 _'Smart, and capable of holding intellectual conversation, which is a rarity in my fellow age group. She's nicer than I could ever hope to be, which is easy to see in her demeanor. She's hiding insecurities it seems to be maybe her looks or whatever else girls get all tangled up about. She'd possibly be a decent acquaintance.'_ I thought, not being able to help analyzing the girl. Honestly, at the time, I didn't know if I actually wanted to be anything resembling a friend to the girl, or if I was just relieved to see that I wasn't completely surrounded by utter twats.

I began to gaze at the castle I'd be completing my schooling at, and saw potential. I didn't know what I expected there either. Maybe to be sorted into Slytherin, live out my days in the shadow of Dahlia, and find life's meaning in some idiotic relationship or evil organization. I didn't know what to find, but I had a feeling in my stomach that said I'd find purpose here, and maybe find new things about myself here as well. I then realized that my life at Hogwarts had the potential to be something truly fascinating. I was excited for something, for the first time in recent history. It felt...

* * *

And there's the end of that chapter! I would have uploaded sooner but Document Manager has sure been acting up the past few days! So please leave a review, favorite, follow, and all that nice stuff! Have a fantastic morning, day, evening, and night!

P.S. I hope you don't mind the slight brattiness that I'm depicting in Sirius and James! I love them both, and they will be better. Just from the books, I imagine them as little shits until they mature and grow up some. And I mean lots of people I know started off as little shits, and changed to be better people because of it! So I guess what I'm saying is to have some hope! Everyone grows, and everyone changes! It's one of the most beautiful things about human!


	3. sweet pessimistic thoughts

Chapter 3

* * *

Out of all the houses that I could have been in I had to be in the most annoying house of them all. I fully expected to be in Slytherin like my Mother and sister, or Ravenclaw as a close second! But, no I had to be in the house that was tainted with the likes of _the irrational._

"Hmm… Where to put you, where to put you? I see Slytherin's in your family, and quite the cunning personality. Slytherin would be a great place for you…" The blasted Sorting Hat said. I could see the look of hope forming on Head Girl, Dahlia, and Slytherin Prefect, Lucius' faces.

"But I see an extreme amount of intellect, and a sense of wit… Ravenclaw would suit you as well." He paused. After spending about two more minutes debating Slytherin or Ravenclaw, he suddenly said, "Oh." As if something should have been obvious.

"It's all clear now. You're looking for a purpose for your life, and deep down you want learn to be who you really are. You're a courageous intellectual one, looking for a purpose, and to live outside of the shadows you find tend yourself in. I can now say without a doubt that you should be in…" He paused, I assumed for dramatic effect.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

My eyes widened in surprise. Gryffindor table roared and clapped, welcoming me warmly. I did my best to not look at them too much, and sat down at the empty end of the table. I glanced up as I sat down, seeing Lily smiling and waving me over to her. She sat beside Sirius Black and James Potter, which helped me make my decision of whether it was really worth moving or not. I shook my head 'no' at her, and began to continue reading my Charm book.

As we were walked to Gryffindor Tower after the Sorting and Start-of-Term Feast, our Prefects talked for what seemed to be forever about the rules, forbidden areas, and classes. It was all dreadfully boring.

"Psst, Clover." I heard. I saw Lily stood next to me with a nervous smile. I looked at her and nodded, greeting her.

"So, do you hate me now? I overheard that you're from a family that, well, doesn't like people like me. Muggle born, and you didn't want to sit with me so I just thought-" she paused, not seeming to know what to say next.

"I don't care about blood purity. People are people, and they all suck equally. Though I am quickly finding that some might not be as bad as others. So please don't misunderstand what happened at the Sorting. I'm just not particularly fond of sitting in big clumps of people, especially when one of those people is named Sirius Black." I asserted.

She was quiet for a second searching my eyes for what I assumed to be hatred. She shook her head and smiled.

"Oh, well I'm sorry if I'm worrying too much. Just, you're one of the only people I've talked to today, and you seem nice. I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm happy we're in the same house, and I really hope we can be friends!" She said cheerfully.

I looked at her in complete bewilderment. ' _People usually aren't like this towards me. Normally they only talk to me when wanting something, or when they think it'd be funny to mess with the quiet girl. I'm not used to this, I don't know what to think. I don't understand this at all, but it'd be interesting to understand.'_ I thought.

After a few seconds of what probably looked like extreme confusion on my face, I decided to nod.

"I would like to be friends with you as well." I stated, trying to smile, but instead settling on a slight upturn of the corner of my lips. She gave a grin and proceeded to give me a hug. I awkwardly patted her back, ' _What the hell did I get myself into?'_

That night, Lily and I found that we'd be staying in the same room along with other two girls, Marlene and Mary. While Lily, Mary, and Marlene got acquainted, happily petting a very content Holden, I continued my studies listening to their conversation when our window got tapped. I opened it to see a familiar owl.

"Jane, what are you doing here?" I muttered.

"Do you have an owl AND a cat?" Mary Macdonald curiously asked, twirling an untamed curly brown lock in her almost bony finger.

 _'That might just be the stupidest questions I've ever been asked. Doesn't say clearly in the letter that you pick one?'_ I thought, eventually sighing because I knew that answering stupid questions was probably going to be life from then until seventh year.

"No, this is my older sister's." I answered.

"Is your sister a student here?" Lily asked.

"Yes, she's in Slytherin, and I believe she's supposed to be Head Girl." I replied as I took the note from the owl.

"A-A Slytherin? Oh, that's…unfortunate." Mary commented awkwardly, hazel eyes, fortunately for me, quickly beginning to avoid contact with my own.

The girls went silent after this reply, and just looked at each other.

* * *

' _Meet me outside your Common Room, please!_

 _Lot's of love,_

 _D &L'_

* * *

I read over it immediately recognizing Dahlia's overly curly handwriting. I sighed and got up, leaving the room without a word.

I quietly crept out of the Fat Lady's portrait to see Dahlia and Lucius looking down at me. I braced myself, preparing to be thoroughly insulted for getting sorted into the wrong house.

' _Oh Clover! You were supposed to be in Slytherin, how could you be stupid enough to go and get yourself sorted in Gryffindor of all places! Go find somewhere else to live!"_ Father would say devastated.

 _'Look at what you've done! You've completely broken my heart! You should have been in Hufflepuff, or at least gotten in Slytherin like your Grandmother wanted! Oh, now to throw away the yellow and black scarf I prematurely knitted for you! Three weeks of knitting down the drain!'_ Proteus would dramatically state in Shakespearean style of acting holding a Tragedy mask.

 _'You can no longer use our name for your protection. I would never have the Lepus name sullied by a filthy Gryffindor!'_ Grandfather and Grandmother would say in unison, and completely stoic. As I thought of all the possible insults I'd be getting for this major slip up, I seemed to have miss what Dahlia had been saying to me.

"Are you liking it, Clover?" she asked, now holding my shoulders and looking worryingly into my eyes. I blinked at her, snapping out of that bit of pessimistic overload.

"What?" I asked.

"She means, what do you think about being sorted _here._ " Lucius asked, nose slightly raised.

"I did not! I mean are you liking all of this? Your house, your peers, everything! I, well, I just want to make sure my baby sister is enjoying her time here." She exclaimed, pulling me into an almost familiar hug of extreme tightness.

"Everything would be a hundred percent better if you would not trap me in this death of a hug!" I finally coughed, prompting her to let me go.

"So are you liking your roommates? I've worried about that since I know you prefer your space!" Dahlia asked.

"I mean, one of the girls is tolerable." I said, crossing my arms.

"Is she Pure blood?" Lucius questioned. I narrowed my eyes at the teen.

"I did not think to ask. It is not as if I go up to every person in my House and say, 'Hello, I'm Clover Lepus, are you of Pure Blood? No? Die." I articulated, already tired of hearing the 'Pure Blood, Muggle Born' mess.

"Well, cousin, let me just be the first to warn you. If you don't carefully think of who you choose to fraternize with, you may end up being thought of as a Blood Traitor. I don't know what I would do if your family's name which would, whether it be through marriage or not, sully my own name." He stated darkly.

He and I glared at each other for a good ten seconds before Dahlia finally cut in.

"Oh Lucius, please tell me you don't expect her to know about all of this now. Let's just let her sleep, a lot happened today, and she's probably very crabby tonight. Plus we need to continue on our rounds!" Dahlia lilted before giving me a affectionate kiss on the forehead. Once she cheerfully let go, I expressed my dislike of that action through the completely mature move of wiping the feeling of her kiss off of my forehead.

Behind us, the Fat Lady's portrait opened up again. All three of us looked curiously at the first two familiar figures coming out of the portrait. I was surprised to see a third being added to this idiot duet. I sighed, wondering why it had to be my luck that I continue to run into the pure essence of annoyance.

"Excuse me what are you three doing out of your rooms?" Lucius asked, stepping in front of the three boys.

Black had sighed at my cousin, apparently not caring to answer the question, while the short chubby boy accompanying them seemed to cower behind his two friends.

"Oh this is just a misunderstanding. You see…" James paused looking over at me standing next to Dahlia, "We were just coming out to reprehend our friend, Lepus, here! We knew she had left her room without permission, and we figured we'd convince her to come back so no one would get in trouble!" James gave an innocent smile to the ever sullen Lucius.

"Well she had written permission to leave her room boys, while you three don't. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you all a night of detention, and I'll be speaking to Professor McGonagall about just how many points you three will have cost your house." Dahlia stated.

"I'd recommend twenty points, each." Lucius verbalized, emphasizing the 'each.'

"Back to your rooms, now, and be careful, all of you." Dahlia said waving us into the painting.

"This is your fault, you know." Sirius declared as we stepped inside the portrait

"Honestly, it is your own fault for leaving right after curfew. You easily could have waited a little longer, of course Prefects will patrol right after curfew. It's their job to catch the idiots that wrongfully believe themselves to be clever. Take some responsibility for your own stupidity." I replied in a deadpan.

"You could have done something before those _Slytherins_ deducted points! This is your house too, you know! Have some loyalty!" James expressed angrily.

"You could have just decided not to do something that would make the House lose points before classes even start." I said, quickly getting tired of this argument.

"W-w-well I mean we are all Gryffindor, where p-people tend to be loyal. You could have at least tried to-" the short chubby boy piped up.

"No, I didn't have to do anything. This conversation is completely illogical, and you three need a reality check. I'd happily deliver it, but honestly this conversation is quickly boring me, and I have better things I could be spending brainpower on." I said before speeding past the boys up to my room.

The next morning I was met with glares as I headed to breakfast. At first I was confused, since I hadn't really talked to many people, so they had no reason to have disliked me already. I expected all this in at least a couple weeks. I sat down at the end of the empty end of the table, away from the group of first and second years that were happily eating.

"She's a freak though! Pettigrew, Potter, and I all got detention because of the girl!" Sirius said just loud enough for me to hear.

"Not only that, but she even lost us points! The year hasn't even started and we're already behind! And she was completely unconcerned with the fact that she did nothing to stop us from starting from a disadvantage. " James declared.

"She's practically a Slytherin in a Gryffindor robe, I'd say. A little House Traitor!" Sirius said a little louder, making full eye contact with me.

Now, I had a few options for how I could take this direct slander. I could point out each and every flaw in their logic which would make the two look like bumbling idiots with minimum effort, but it would give the boys what they wanted, a reaction. Next option was to ignore the two which would annoy them, but also indirectly confirm what they were saying to other people. At that moment, I had decided to not care. I didn't know any of them, and I didn't care to know any of their lot. So I said nothing, but I didn't expect Lily to chime in.

"Why don't you just leave her alone! If it was her fault, she'd be in trouble like the rest of you! You're the ones who were sneaking out, you were the ones who got caught! Blaming it on an innocent person is ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed, proudly sitting down next to me.

My eyes widened at the girl. I had just met her the day before and she was here, defending me as if she's known me for a long time. I looked at the boys who had gone oddly silent, Potter in particular looking like he had just been caught putting his hand in a cookie jar.

"So did you sleep well, Clover?" she asked with smile, now seeming to ignore anything and everything happening on the other side of the table. I nodded, not even sure what to say to her. So I thought it'd be best to go with my manners.

"Thank you, Evans. I appreciate you standing up for me." I said, before quickly deciding to at least open up a little, maybe for sincerities sake. "No one has really ever done that for me before, and it's less exhausting to have someone else say what I was thinking." I finished.

"Oh it's fine! I wasn't going to let arrogant gits like them try to ruin you like that! I wouldn't be able to sit around and watch that happen to anyone!" Lily said. I lifted the corners of my mouth, ever so slightly to show my appreciation as best as I can.

"CloClo!" I heard from behind me, as a hand began to affectionately ruffle my hair. As if by reflex I began swatting my sister's hand away.

"Dahlia, can you please-"

"Who is this?" Dahlia interrupted looking at me expectedly.

"I'm Lily Evans, it's nice to meet you." Lily said with a slightly worried smile. I momentarily wondered why she seemed worried about someone like Dahlia when I realized that the whole "Death to all Muggle Borns" Slytherin stereotype was something that Muggle born people actually had to worry about.

"The pleasure's all mine, Evans. I'm Dahlia, this little ice cube's older sister." She said with a grin, offering her hand to the girl. Lily hesitantly took it, giving a nervous laugh.

"I just had to come over and see who my baby sister over here deemed as tolerable enough to count as a friend, and I must say that I'm not disappointed."

"Dahlia! Don't you have things to do? Like sucking up to Professors or guiding your House or something?!" I exclaimed, thoroughly embarrassed.

"Oh, fine-fine, don't blow a gasket, CloClo," she said getting up.

"Have a good first day of classes, girls! Oh and Lily! Make sure to take good care of my sister!" she sang, quickly walking off to a confused table of Slytherins. It was quickly becoming apparent to me just how much of an outlier she was within her house.

"Wow she was…"

"Nicer than you expected, I'm guessing?"

"Yes, others had told me on the train that Slytherin was full of evil Dark wizards that hated Muggle born wizards." She softly said.

"Well, whoever those people were obviously never met her…" I said, finally starting on breakfast.

"So was she the first Slytherin you've met? You seemed a bit nervous." I asked while stuffing a mouth full of bacon.

"Oh no, actually one of my best friends was sorted into Slytherin. But I mean outside of him, I don't know any of them. And according to what people were saying on the train, I don't know if I really want to get to know many of them." Lily said quietly.

"His name is Severus, and he's been a friend of mine for a couple years! I actually think you two would get along really well!" she fondly continued.

"Hm. Well I hope I can meet him later, I'd really rather not meet too many people at once if humanly possible." I expressed, eyes solely focused on my breakfast.

"But he's right there, and I haven't even gotten to talk to him since the Sorting!" Lily exclaimed.

"Oh wait he's coming over here! Morning Sev!"

I inwardly sighed at the fact that here I was meeting another person. I quickly began thinking this _friend_ business was more trouble than it's worth.

"Morning, Lily." He greeted with an awkward tightlipped smile, setting down his plate a little too quickly, and taking the seat next to Lily.

"Are you excited about Potions? I've been reading the book and we're supposed to be doing the Forgetfulness Potion this year! Then in Defense Against Dark Arts we'll actually be learning the Vermillious and Verdimillious charms! You can actually do damage with those ones." He said excitedly keeping complete eye contact with Lily who began giggling.

"Gosh Sev, I don't remember the last time I've seen you this excited about anything! Actually your excitement about school reminds me a lot of my new friend here, Clover." She said gesturing to me.

 _'Oh great, I'm being dragged into the conversation…'_ I thought ecstatically.

"She's been doing nothing but studying since I've met her! It's quite admirable in my opinion!"

"Oh, it's nothing to be in awe about. I'd personally just rather not let the likes of," I paused motioning towards Potter's gang, " _them_ do better than me in my classes."

"Well, I don't think you need to put much effort into that. I doubt those gits will get anything better than a Troll in any of their classes." Snape grumbled, showing distaste for my housemates.

"Who knows, maybe they'll have to make an entirely new grade for that level of ignorance." I said, stuffing my mouth full of the last bit of pancake.

Snape chuckled, while Lily looked as if she was trying to hold in a smile.

"I'm Severus Snape, nice to meet you." He said offering a hand, as if suddenly deciding I was worth talking to.

"Nice to meet you as well, Snape. I'm sorry to cut this whole meeting thing short, but I'm going to try to find a seat on the back row if I can help it. And I'm sure that area will be packed full of students up to tomfoolery. So I guess I'll be seeing you two in class." I said quickly getting up, apparently just narrowly missing a spoonful of egg that was shot through the air in my direction. I saw Sirius, Potter, and the third boy who I at the time didn't care to remember the name of, laughing. As I walked out hearing Lily throw some insults at the boys, I couldn't help but think:

 _'I hate this blasted house.'_

* * *

 _And I think to myself, I hate this blasted house!~_ Just kidding, but please forgive me for the slow pacing. Before this is a romance, this will be a Friendship story, and a story about Clover learning new things about herself. The romance will come eventually, but it will have to come later (we need the context!)Plus, I just personally highly doubt that someone like Clover would immediately get along with our favorite Marauders. So next chapter will be up soon where we'll slowly be putting more of the good stuff! Again please leave a review and give me advice on how to do better because I know that I'm still learning!

Thank you for reading!


	4. something's bothering me, i can't deal

Chapter 4

* * *

"Good morning, students. My name is Horace Slughorn, though a great amount of you know me as Head of Slytherin House. And you'll also be knowing me as your great Potions professor. You all will learn a great deal of useful knowledge and I'm sure I'll make great Potioneers out of all of you! Now, I hope you all aren't too attached to your tablemates, because if I learned anything from the current Seventh years, it's that focus is impossible if paired with friends. So, I chose the only fair way which was randomly put names together and picking partners for all of you." A man said jollily. As I heard a collective groan coming from class, I looked at Lily who sat beside me with a slightly worried look on her face.

"Hey, who knows. Maybe he's messing with us and actually did it alphabetically, I mean Lepus and Evans aren't that far from each other." Lily said hopefully.

"Hmph. I honestly thought I'd be done meeting new people with their complicated emotions and relationships. This is going to be bleeding awful…" I complained, letting my head drop onto my arms in defeat.

"Alright, first on the list… Potter, and Black! _Where are the two of you, oh!_ There you are, already sitting next to one another! Perfect! Next we have, MacDonald and McKinnon! Together already as well? Oh well, the next one should be what I'm expecting. Snape and Evans!"

Lily gave me an apologetic look as she moved to sit beside Snape a couple of rows ahead of me. At this point, I knew I was going to be sitting with a complete stranger, but I just was happy there was no chance of me being stuck with Black or Potter.

"Avery and Mulciber! Okay next, Lepus and Lupin! Oh little alliteration with those names!" Slughorn announced.

I was about to ask who in the hell was Lupin, but I was stopped as a tall boy with light brown hair and friendly eyes stood from the table closest to Potter and Black walking in my direction. He quietly sat down his book, and took the seat next to me.

I quickly opened up my book and tried to get further in my reading.

"So, um, I'm Remus Lupin. What would you like to be called?" he asked.

 _'Damn. I couldn't avoid it.'_

"Clover." I muttered, hoping he'd sense my introversion.

"Well, that's a nice name." he awkwardly replied.

"I hope so, I did get for my birthday." I stated sardonically. His lightly scarred face cracked a smile as he began to lightly laugh at my sarcastic comment.

Oddly enough, an actual friendship came from that class. Though Lily and Snape ended up being my partners in crime (if that crime includes keeping books from the library a day past due), Remus ended up being a good friend to me as well. Through the next couple weeks, it seemed like I had my relationships sorted out.

Lily and Severus were probably the closest I felt I'd ever have to best friends. Though I was still working on opening up to them, they still made me feel included in their already close friendship.

Remus was nice enough, I'd study with him sometimes in the library, since I really needed the help in Herbology which he was thankfully decent at.

Dahlia and Lucius were two that I'd avoid like the plague. Because Dahlia was too…much. And Lucius would go on about "Blood traitor" this, and "Mud blood" that. I was quickly beginning to learn to drown the two out while talking to them. They would have been better separately, but Lucius stuck with Dahlia during their duties (I often wondered where the other Prefect and Head Boy went off to) so I typically couldn't get time alone with my sister. Not that I would have wanted to anyway.

Potter, Peter, and _Sirius_ were all equally the absolute worst. I disliked each one of them. Potter was the leader of the Potpourri of Pathetic, being the loudmouth arrogant one who was always up to some mischief. Sirius was the one who often brought up who would be victim to their tomfoolery. And Peter did nothing but tag along. Even Remus was in on all of this, planning most of their stupid pranks, and thankfully sometimes got caught doing so.

A month into the year, it seemed that everything was going quite smoothly. I spent a lot of my time in the library with Lily and Severus, studying, and sometimes just talking. It took a lot of getting used to since I was comfortable with spending my time alone, but it was getting easier as I got to know them better. Spending time with them was therapeutic even if half the time we were quizzing each other, which helped more than harmed.

"Clover, what is the Werewolf Code of Conduct, and what year was it developed?" Lily said looking at her notes. _'Of course I get a History of Magic question. Why can't they ever give me a Charms or a Transfiguration question?'_ I thought bitterly. I began looking through the files of my brain trying to figure out the answer to this question.

"It was some useless group of rules that basically dictated what werewolves were supposed to do on Full Moons. A bunch of rubbish really, since no one really came to sign it, I mean who in their right mind would go and admit their a werewolf. It's utter stupidity. And um, the year was 1673," I said.

"You know, you can't really say on the exams, 'This rule was a bunch of rubbish and it's utter stupidity.' Professor Binns would be bound to keep you after class and drone on about how important it is, and I don't think you want that." Severus stated seriously, failing to hide the humor in his eyes.

"Oh bugger off, Severus."

"By the way, it was 1637, not 1673.," He finished.

"Oh it's almost time! I'm supposed to be meeting Mary and Marlene at the beginning of lunch, so I'll see you at dinner!" Lily said gathering her books and rushing out of the library.

"I don't see why she hangs out with those two. From what I've seen, they're both a couple of gossiping idiots. Lily can do much better." Severus bitterly said.

"She says they're better when you get to know them. But people say snakes are sweet animals if you get to know them, but I'm sure as hell not going to mess with snakes…Wait is that offensive at all?"

"I don't think so. I know I've overheard Bellatrix Black say that she wasn't too fond of snakes. I believe she said they're _dreadful_ creatures, though she of course wouldn't want anyone outside of her circle to know that." Severus said.

"Let's not even talk about her, please. She's awful. I swear, you're the only tolerable Slytherin I know." I grumbled, setting my head on the table.

"Isn't Dahlia your-"

"You're the only tolerable Slytherin I know." I repeated, overly emphasizing each word.

"C-Clover. The _oh what did you call them_ Potpourri of Pathetic, yes that's what it was, they're coming in the library and are heading this way." Severus said beginning to take all of his valuables off the table.

I sighed, quickly stuffing all my notes into one of my class books and putting them in the empty chair next to me. You see, Severus and I did not care too much for the four boys that had entered (well, three in my case since Remus was at least bearable), and they had a habit of being up to no good when walking in our direction. So to save ourselves grief, we keep our valuables out of sight when they're in our eyesight.

As they walked towards Severus and I, Lupin sat down at a table facing away from us. Their eyes twinkled with mischief as they walked to the end of our table.

"What do you want, Stooges?" I asked looking up at the three boys. I glanced at Snape who's head was down, not looking at any of the boys.

"Actually we go by the Marauders!" the chubby boy chimed.

"Quiet, Peter." Sirius whispered, elbowing the boy in the ribs.

"Nothing, we just wanted to come and steal our friend Snivellus from you. We've got something super important to tell him." James replied as if the other two weren't even talking.

"Bollocks. Just say whatever you're going to say and go bother someone else." I retorted.

"You're no fun, House Traitor. That's why no one likes you." Sirius declared.

"House Traitor? Is that what I'm being called now? Cute. Now why don't you three go on, I'm sure you can tell when you're not wanted." I said coldly.

"Sirius…" James whispered.

Sirius proceeded to throw a box on the table that immediately exploded at impact. They backed away a couple steps and suddenly, I was covered in something living. The smoke cleared up to reveal we were covered in beetles, centipedes, and millipedes. As they began to laugh, Snape stood up and immediately started brushing them off of himself. I stood frozen for a minute before audibly sighing.

"Really? A bug bomb? Are you really this uncreative?" I spoke, stoically looking at them.

"We weren't exactly going for creative! We were more going for what'd be funny!" Potter said between laughter.

"It's the simple things in life that are better, haven't you heard that?" Black chimed in. I proceeded to get up, Severus quickly copying my actions.

I pointed at James.

"You need to get a life."

Next, I gestured at Peter.

"You need to grow a backbone."

I then looked Sirius right in the eye and said, "And you need to get a hobby, you boring ratty haired git." I picked up my stuff and left the library with Severus right as the librarian came running up to the boys yelling profusely.

Once we walked down the hall a little bit, I dropped my books and began brushing off the bugs.

"How did you stand there and just be normal with those all over you?" Severus asked, picking a couple beetles out of my hair.

I was quiet for a second.

"I'd rather die than let those three think that their practical joke impacted me at all." I icily replied.

"Oh… I wish I could do that, the whole b-brave at the face of people thing, I just- I don't know. It seems like every little thing they do just gets to me! And I can't do a damn thing about it! It's always three or four of them, then just one of me. And when they catch me alone, it's so hard to deal with. I don't know how long I can deal with this. How are you able to do that?" He dejectedly said, quickly wiping his eyes, and sitting with his back against the wall.

' _What am I supposed to say at moments like these? He's hurting and I don't know how to help,'_ I thought, because I didn't. I was still getting used to having these friendships and these emotional (irrational) conversations. I still didn't understand my own emotions, and constantly wondered if I can actually _feel_ real emotion. So I did what I thought Dahlia would do to the best of my limited ability.

"Well, it's not like I'm a brave super human or anything. I was screaming internally, because I honestly think bugs are pretty creepy. If it were spiders, I probably would have been counting on you to handle all that with them. All I really did was take the surprise and fear, and put it in a box. I then proceeded to lock the box and swallowed it, never to be seen again." I said, trying to crack a good nature smile, which ended up looking more like a constipated push face.

"I get what you're saying, I think, but I can't do that… I often feel like I can't do anything… I can't defend myself. They're stronger than me physically and magically without even trying to be. I wish I could just do something to get back at them. Get back at them so hard that they'll never recover. And never mess with me again!" Severus mumbling by the end of his statement.

"Severus, I understand what you're saying, but think rationally. Last time you attempted revenge, well long story short, you probably still have bruises. And Lily was mad about it for days. Don't reduce yourself to their low level to regain pride. Since they seem to not try at anything, put in more effort than they'd ever dream of putting in. Do well in Charms. Actually, I'm sure if you explain the situation to Professor Flitwick, he'd be more than happy to show you the Disarming Spell. It's a second year spell, but the man would be glad to help you out. I'm sure you're good in class and whatnot." I reassured him.

He went silent, thirty seconds turned into a minute. He then got up and dusted himself off.

"You're right. I'm going to talk to him before dinner." Severus awkwardly said.

"So do you want to go on to lunch?" he asked, politely helping me to my feet.

"Sure, but I'll be honest I don't know how much of an appetite I'll have after the Stooge's latest joke." I commented.

"You'll find your appetite, you _always_ do." He teased.

"Oh quit being cheeky, Severus. It doesn't suit you." I mockingly scolded.

' _It's weird helping others with emotions while being so out of touch with my own. But seeing him back to his normal awkward self after that irrational spell of his, it's nice. It's also nice to know I was able to help, I guess there's more to this friendship thing after all.'_ I thought to myself, not realizing at the time that a small smile formed on my face.

* * *

Hello! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a Review if you liked, or didn't like! I am very open to criticism and it'd be great to hear what I need to improve on.

Next chapter will be a Dahlia chapter because she will end up being an important character in this story so I think it's going to be really fun to explore her some more. We will also have some more Lily & Snape friendship, Marauder friendship development, and some more of the evasive Lepus family coming soon!


	5. why is the sun raining

Chapter 5

As Halloween got closer and closer, I seemed to see less of Dahlia. Normally, seeing less of Dahlia's jolliness would have me on cloud-nine. But, now that it was happening it felt unnatural.

Dahlia was always the type to talk to me as much as she can. When we were kids, I often wondered if she had friends because she'd never really go anywhere and do anything without me. Since I stayed home all the time reading, she'd stay at home too watching cartoons or playing with her dolls. Outside of school, we were just always together. I mean I told her time and time again to leave me alone and go play with her friends, but she ignored it every time. She'd even spend a lot of time with me whenever she was home from Hogwarts. Whenever we had to go to our grandparent's she'd always sit next to me, and chat with me instead of talking to the other adults (at least until Grandmother started scolding her for it).

So, knowing how Dahlia was, it was weird to be seeing less of her. I understood that she was studying and busy with Head Girl duties, but not seeing her or talking to her in a span of three weeks was concerning. After one week, I was relieved to not be annoyed by her constant "checking up" on me. Two weeks go by, and I began to wonder where exactly she went all the time. I saw both Slytherin prefects and the Head Boy, Terminus Flint, sitting at Slytherin table all the time. But Dahlia was nowhere to be seen.

"Clover!" I suddenly heard, realizing that I had been spaced out staring at Slytherin table. I looked at Lily who was looking at me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked.

"Why were you staring at Slytherin's table? Do you like someone over there or something?"

"Of course not! Why would I be interested in anyone over there?"

"Well what's going on then? Every morning when we come to eat, you say less than usual and stare at the Slytherins. According to Severus, some of them have noticed and haven't been taking to kindly to it," Lily said. I looked at Severus who was silent during the entire conversation.

"It's true. Bellatrix said she would have hexed you if it wasn't for Dahlia," Severus spoke up as he stuffed his face.

"Is Dahlia okay?" I asked, trying to hide my interest.

"Of course she is, why wouldn't she be?" Severus asked.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," I quickly said.

"Wait! Is that what you're worried about? Dahlia?" Lily interjected with wide eyes.

' _Of course she'd pick up on that… Dismissing!'_

"No, I'm not worried about anything, and I don't see why asking a simple question would make you think that I'm _worried_ about Dahlia of all people. She's basically an adult, she can take care of herself."

Lily and Severus shared a knowing look.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," They said in sync, almost as if they practiced it.

"Hmph. Hamlet references, how original." I replied dryly, before stuffing my mouth full of scrambled eggs.

"You're not going to get out of this conversation with sarcasm, Clover," Lily insisted causing me to roll my eyes at her.

"You can talk to us, it's sort of our jobs as friends," Severus quietly added. They both stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak.

 _'How troublesome…'_

"Well… I haven't really seen or talked to Dahlia in a good three weeks now. We just never went this long without talking so I'm just wondering if she's sick or something. I don't care too much about it, just even when she was here and I was at home, we never went more than a couple days without talking. She'd owl me all the time, and I sometimes sent a letter back. So, it's just strange okay? I'm honestly not stressed about it," I mumbled, looking away from the two.

"Sev, did you see Dahlia at all this morning?" Lily asked turning to Severus.

"Um I don't think I usually see her morning," Severus paused, eyes suddenly widening, "Well, at least until now. She's coming in, and is quite late."

I looked up and saw Dahlia, her appearance concerned me. Now understand that ever since she turned 14, she had a very pneumatic figure and certain standards for how she carried herself. She cared about how she looked, she kept her hair in a long side ponytail and never left her room without make up on. When I saw her rush into the Great Hall with her hair undone and bags under her eyes, I knew something was going on. Next, I noticed that she had lost some weight. Not enough to look unhealthy or like she had been starving herself, but it seemed as if she had shrunk a size.

I had started to walk over to her before Lily said something. I turned around, and she pointed at the clock.

"We have Transfiguration in five minutes, we should probably be going to that. You can talk to her during lunch. If she doesn't come here, Severus would probably be able to ask around and find her. Right, Severus?" Lily said.

He nodded, getting up himself. I looked at Dahlia, and back to Lily.

"I hate it when you're right, let's just go," I said. Lily and I waved goodbye to Severus, then quickly walking to class, not wanting to experience Professor McGonagall's disappointment.

I typically enjoy Professor McGonagall's class, in fact, Transfiguration was honestly my favorite subject. It had set rules, limitations, and exact factors that must be taken into account. That was one the things I loved most about it. Professor McGonagall was a very respectable woman who was a strict but fair teacher. Normally her lessons had me as close to excitement as I could get, but I couldn't stop thinking of Dahlia.

She typically had this light in her eyes that couldn't help but calm whoever she was talking to. She was always kind and had this capacity for empathy and emotion that I could never comprehend. But the version I saw of her that morning haunted me. The hollow lifeless look in her green eyes, frizzy ponytail, the blue smudges of bags under her eyes, and the lack of tie around her neck was something I wasn't used to seeing. She always did her best to look her best, whether that meant lots of "beauty sleep," and "healthy eating," or a slight change of appearance to hide a pimple. So seeing her looking so sickly and messy was weird. It honestly made me think:

 _'Is she always like this and just regularly transforms to make herself look more ideal, or is there something seriously wrong with her?'_

And that is a question that stayed replaying in my mind all through the rest of class. I was lucky to not have been called on but I guess always having a cold expression made it much easier to not be noticed thinking of other things.

After class, I rushed off to the places I thought Dahlia could be. I ran through the library, Great Hall, the girl's lavatories, and the Middle Courtyard looking for her. Then, I started down towards the Slytherin Common Room. As I headed that direction I ran into Severus who was walking with Dahlia. Dahlia looked slightly surprised to see me and looked at Severus in confusion.

"I found her in the Common Room," Severus said awkwardly before quickly continuing, "I have to go meet Lily at the Study Area by Classroom 4F, you should come meet us later." He then rushed off, leaving Dahlia and I by ourselves.

"Well, it's been a while hasn't it? Do you want to go get a bite at the kitchens or something?" she asked.

"We need to talk, privately." I frostily relied. She blinked, apparently not expecting that reply. She gave a warm smile.

"Alright, here I'll take you to somewhere super special to me, you'll love it," she affectionately said. She led me to the fifth floor to one of many parts of the castle that I had never gone to before. We happened upon a bathroom door that seemed a bit fancier than the rest of the bathrooms in the castle.

"This is the bathroom, since you wanted to talk privately and I knew no one is going to be up here unless they're a Prefect or Terminus, so yeah. What's going on CloClo?" she asked sitting by the door, patting the floor inviting me to sit with her. I stayed standing and but leaned on the wall next to her.

"So, why are you doing this?" I asked.

"Doing what?"

"You're using your abilities right now. The metamorphic ones."

She said nothing.

"I saw you this morning when you came into the Great Hall. I don't know if you came in late because you thought I wouldn't see you or anything. But I did, I stayed late. And I saw you, maybe you just didn't get a chance to morph this morning. But you looked sick."

She stayed silent, so I continued.

"So what's going on, Dahlia?" I asked, kneeling down and looking her in the eyes. Her eyes went downcast and her face morphed into the sickly version of herself I saw that morning.

"I was hoping you wouldn't see me like this, I'm sorry," she gloomily said, pulling her knees close and laying her head down on them.

"I just have been stressed out a lot, with Head Girl duties, my classes, my House's relationships with one another, my upcoming graduation from school, and even stuff about our family has been stressful. Its just a lot of pressure on me that I just don't know if I'm ready for. There's stuff that I want to do so bad, but I know that I can't."

"Why can't you? It's your life, can you not do what you want with it?" I enquired, finally sitting on the cold floor next to her. She gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"I wish it was that simple, Clover. Sometimes I daydream about just saying 'fuck it' and leaving. Scream to the heavens the truth, and become an Auror like I really want to do," she looked up with a distant look as if she's were imagining it fondly.

"You should, I'll even help you if you need me to. Whoever is telling you what to do honestly isn't needed in your life. I'm sure you can handle a couple housemates not loving you to death, Dahlia. Like once you graduate you can just leave, and you'll never have to see your Housemates again. Just go to America or something, like Mum did. Or just ignore them." I replied. The melancholy in her eyes became more apparent. She faces away from me, last I was able to see, she had a distressed expression.

"It's not that simple, Clover, I have things I need to do. For me, for Grandmother and Grandfather, for Dad, for the world, and for you, " she started before shaking her head.

"That's stupid. You're seventeen, can't they handle whatever their wanting you to do themselves?"

"No I have to."

"Why?"

"Because someone bloody has to!" she finally cried out. I had never heard her raise her voice before, so I sat in shock for a second. As I sat frozen, I noticed that the top of her vest had a large wet spot that was only getting bigger.

"Dahlia, what are they making you do?" I asked.

Her breathing began to stutter, and the crying was becoming more forceful She looked up at me with a blotchy red face, and puffy eyes. She shook her head, wiped her face, then looked away from me.

"Dahlia! What the hell is going on? I can't help you unless you tell me!" I exclaimed.

She shook her head at me again.

"Dahlia!"

"Go to your friends, Clover," Dahlia apathetically stated.

"What? We're in the middle of a convers-"

"Leave me alone, please."

"No! You can't just sit here and basically cry for help, and not expect me to stay and help you. It'd be so much quicker if you'd just tell me what's going on."

"Go the hell away!" she exclaimed with finality, quickly getting up, whispering the password, opening the bathroom door, and shutting me out.

"You know what? Fine! If you're going to be ridiculous like this then, you can just cry alone for all I care! But next time something like this happens, don't even bother wasting my time if you're not even going to let me do something about it," I coldly said from behind the door, stomping away.

' _That was stupid. All this is stupid. If she's going to cry and go on about how she's doing something for me and Father and all that stupid stuff, then isn't that just asking for help? I don't understand these stupid feelings! Stupid, all of this! I can't deal with uncompetent idiots!'_ I irritably thought to myself as I made my way towards the staircase, lost in my aggravated thoughts. Before I started down the stairs, I was stopped by two figures. I looked up to see Lucius Malfoy and Head Boy, Terminus Flint.

 _'This is the last thing I need right now.'_

"What are you doing up here, cousin?" Lucius asked, peering down at me.

"Bugger off, Lucius." I aloofly stated, trying to push past him. He was like a wall, unmoving and tall.

 _'Shit.'_

Lucius' hand raised, I realized he was going to strike me.

"Immobulus!" I heard a familiar voice cast.

Lucius was frozen in place, his hand inches from my cheek. Dahlia walked up, Hazel wand in hand, looking coldly indifferent to everything that was happening.

"Lucius, you know that Prefects are not to strike students, Gryffindor or not, family or not." She stated. She looked at Terminus who I then noticed was smirking at what he had witnessed. She shook her head at him and turned to me.

"You need to go on to your friends. For speaking like that to a Prefect, you're going to have two days of detention, and I'll handle Lucius. So just go." Dahlia angrily said to me.

I narrowed my eyes at her and silently pushed past Lucius and Terminus. I ran down the stairs away from this confrontation. I was drained for the day. I needed to be somewhere I could be alone, it'd be the only way I'd be able to understand my thoughts. So that's what I did.

* * *

You made it to some actual plot! And I guess if you're still here, you're probably wondering where the whole romantic subplot is... And some of that will be happening pretty soon. Like right now I'm working on developing friendships and character development so that we can have the romantic subplot that I'm planning. It will be here, just like Marauder Bonding. The next chapter will be a nice Remus chapter, and exploring Clover's thoughts/ways of dealing with emotions. So yeah.

Thank you for reading and sticking with me! Please leave a review if you like'd (and if you didn't like, criticism would be super appreciated) and I hope you have an amazing morning, afternoon, or night! Thanks again!


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